As we gathered around the dining room table at my mother’s house, I was both desperately hoping and moderately afraid the topic of the recent election would come up.  So, in preparation I drank the quality wine that my girlfriend and I had brought with us and a large portion of the very cheap and bitter wine that my sister had brought thinking it was the “kind I liked”.  “I got the biggest bottle”, she had said.  After the first couple of glasses and some underlying need to either completely ignore or blatantly disagree with a family member, your discretion in wine starts to wane.  Mine certainly did.  As other people started to overlook the cheap wine in favor of cakes or pies, I put my arm around it welcoming it into the family.

The election did peak its nasty little head around a plate of turkey or a dollop of mashed potatoes from time to time, but I chose, if memory serves correctly, to mostly make light-hearted jokes about the situation.  Some were greeted with laughter, others were ignored completely.  A moment of relief from the social grind of the holidays came in a comment from the “kids table”.  “Was that turkey I just ate?!?”, my 14-year-old son asked in bewilderment.  I was in no shape to answer such in intriguing question fruitfully, so I let my mother field it.  I will admit it was a far more interesting question than, “What will Trump do?”, “How much money did Obama make while serving as president?”, or “Who did you vote for?”.  These all pale in comparison to the honest question that wanted an honest answer, as opposed to the others that just wanted a starting point to announce the opinions people were dying to reveal to the world.

At another Thanksgiving dinner, because I got to attend four this year – aren’t you jealous, my 4-year-old nephew was presented with a tent.  My nephew is one of these people whose birthday fortunately or unfortunately falls right around a major holiday.  So, we all sang happy birthday to him as he was brought into the living room unaware there was to be a surprise.  Walking into the room and gazing on this rather large tent, I think his grandmother who had gotten it for him was expecting a bit more, shall we say, joy.  What was instead announced to the room was, “I like the other one better.  The one with the TV.”  You see while the tent was being set up in the living room he was taken by his cousins to a “hiding spot”.  The adults needed time to make the living room special.  The problem came when the hiding spot was better than the actual present and he honestly told them so.

Honest questions and honest answers come from those of us that are not seeking to only relate to others the things we believe we know, but from those of us with an open mind.  Literally being a kid seeking honest answers is one way of having an open mind, another is simply losing the idea that the answers we have are the correct and only ones. If you enter into a discussion with ideas in your mind that you are unwilling to give up or reevaluate on the fly, you are likely not actually having a discussion with any honesty.

If you wish to have an honest discussion about our future president, one that could help advance our understanding of politics and one another in general, you have to come to the table willing to concede some points.  You can’t hold to your belief about what he will do in office in the face of blatant evidence to the contrary.  If he makes an appointment that you disagree with, say so.  If he makes a statement about something you also believe, make it known.  No matter your political leaning, grinding your feet into the dirt does not help anyone.

If you want to have an honest discussion about the North Dakota Pipeline, you have to come to the table willing to concede some points.  You can’t outright deny the possible benefits of oil and this pipeline in particular.  You cannot claim that American citizens do not have the right to protest.  Not everyone can be a martyr and not everyone can be a villain.  Speak about everything factually and specifically.  Don’t unnecessarily make something out to be more than it really is, that hurts your argument.

If you wish to have an honest discussion about religion, you have to be willing to concede some points.  Religion is not the evil of the earth.  Not everything that is in any particular holy book can be factual.  Before talking religion with anyone, no matter their side, find out what specifically they believe.  Arguing for facts that someone already believes to be true will just hurt your chances of coming to any type of agreement.

Honesty is often a trait that we identify in our children.  From them telling you straight to your face that your stomach is pretty chubby, to them asking very honestly “where do babies come from?”  These are honest questions and honest statements.  Let’s be more like our children.  So, the next time someone asks you if that was turkey they just ate, you can look them right in the eye and say “no, that was ham.”